.dear.last.year. - .hello.next.year.

dear.last.year

I would just like to write you a little note because, well, I have a few things to say regarding the last 365 days that you dished out to this little world within a world....that world being mine.
Last year started with a lot of hope for new beginnings, as always right? its a brand new door opened...new chances, new calendars, new engagements, new puppies, new running schedules new apartments, old love... things started out pretty good. so January...thanks for January.

February through May are a bit of a blur...
actually
to be perfectly honest...this year almost lost me somewhere between February and may. the blur was me, bustling from work, to sleep, to running...to work...to sleep, to running...to thinking when I let myself go...to crying when I let myself think. to thinking if it was worth it. to making "maybe someday"...the words that ran my life. but I couldn't have it like that....so I let running...run my life.
but hey last year, I wont stick to those months...Ive worked though them, I bypassed some bad things...learned some good things, and got a good set of legs! I still don't hate you last year, but really. we could have done better huh?
Summer. now, last year, I want to say thank you for summer. Summer as a season, is a beautiful thing. I feel like I push hard through winter blues the whole first half of the year, for that happy summer feeling. for sandals and outside activities and tanned noses...and summer love. oh dear summer love. I have such faith in summer love.
only last year, your summer had a dark side, a really dark one. ...I guess that new years erases a lot, but old habits, old demons and old friendships die hard...and new mistakes I made, they might never die...

so next year...im sorry, right off the bat...sorry for any grief that this may cause us in the future.

Dear last year, you took my prophet. you and father time decided it was his year to go. but it wasn't my year to see him go, did it have to be this year? hey last year, you took my engagement ring and my dog. you took my knees out from under me, and put me in physio.
however...
last year, I want to thank you for August. August was a big time of hope for me...like a taste of better things. and it tasted good. August was filled with new beginnings, motorbikes, temple trips, shopping for pretty things, meeting new people, loving new people, running races family time, and the feeling that maybe, just maybe last year...you would turn out beautifully, that maybe we wouldn't end it alone.

but darn-it, last year, you had too much in store for me for one year. you dished out something interesting of a Fall season for me. more broken hearts, more friendships lost, more injuries, spiritual trips, and tear falls.
but you know what last year?
as much as I HATED you this fall...I had hope. I bought a plane ticket. a ticket out. a ticket away. I trained for a marathon. I held onto what I worked hard for all year...
and you never took that from me.
I ran a marathon
and here I am...in South America.
I have a puppy
I have a family
and a very few wonderful friends.
my breath is still with me
and as far as im concerned.
your nothing but last year to me.

so last year, I close this letter with a little thanks, a little smirk, a little tear, and a big shovel. to bury you and your memories.
next year will be better than you in every way.

Regards,

.Rachel.Craig,


DEAR.NEXT.YEAR.

oh next year, welcome. thank you for finally coming! im Rachel. and I have worked very hard to have absolutely NOTHING, for you coming into this year. I like to think im like clean slate. hey, im not even in Canada. Next year, your going to start out with me, a backpack...and a puppy. really...I don't have a lot else.
well, I have a good friend at home...if I know her as well as I do, she'll be with us all year. I have another great friend far away, I know she will always be with us, its just another year for us...I have other friends I like to think I will always have when I need them...and some friends im scared I will never have again.
I have people I love. people I will always love, people im scared to love, people that I hate to love...there is a lot of love in my world. I have a wonderful family, and next year, I would appreciate it if they all were kept safe and happy.
now, next year...I have worked VERY hard in anticipation of you. I have scrubbed myself clean of lot of things that I feel make me unhappy...make me feel sad or hopeless. I told last year that we were done...
...and im ready for you.

.LETS.DO.THIS.NEXT.YEAR.

love, and hope,

Rachel Craig



Happy new year to everyone. I hope your new year is filled with as much hope as mine. Its been long and its been hard, but last year is just that now, last year. hope is like a bird, that senses the dawn...and carefully starts singing while its still dark....its dark here...its midnight, but ive never seen a brighter light at the end of my tunnell.

.x.x.

.R.